Personality: What it means and who you are

Dear reader,

The journey of self-discovery is long, interesting and significant.

I remember when I realized I need to discover myself I ran my lazy bum to the internet and hoped that doing a personality test would answer all my questions on who I am and that chapter will be closed and I'll be happy and satisfied for the rest of my life.

“To find yourself, think for yourself.” — Socrates  

Did you also run to take a personality test when you realized that writing a composition titled "Myself" is a lot harder than baking?

When I took my first personality aptitude test, I remember the results being something along the lines of INFJ. I went expecting something along the lines of extroverted introvert, noisy hornbill who should be running in Narnia and flying with Maleficent because I was definitely a peculiar child. Then I got INFJ... I, N, F, J.

I remember pretending to understand what that meant, but I left that website with more questions than answers. I was just a child, who wanted to make sense of some of her feelings and explanations to some of the choices she made.

Then I started exploring empaths and the differences between extroverts and introverts, expanding my knowledge to include ambiverts and omniverts.

I began putting myself in all these boxes, linking my rebellious spirit to my zodiac and putting every emotion in a box to explain everything until at some point, I became a walking advertisement platform because I had all these tags on me.

What started as a journey of self-discovery ended up leaving me more lost than I was when I first began. I was hoping for a neat little manual: "here's who you are, here's how you love, here's why you cry during movies." However, I got acronyms and zodiac signs but nothing quite fit.

You're probably wondering (at least I hope you are), if these categories aren't your personality, then what is?

You see, some people do discover their personalities based on these categories and I envy that. However, if you've come to realize that it's not just about fitting into one category and you're still looking for answers then we're in this together.

Personality isn't a fixed box, it's a spectrum. You could base it off of MBTI (the INFJ, ENFJ ...stuff), the Big Five (openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, neuroticism), attachment styes, temperament theory, zodiac signs, etc, but these tools that are very useful pathfinders, can be limiting when you use them as identity crutches.

Your personality is your unique constellation of traits, behaviours and emotional patterns that shape how you perceive and interact with your world. The thing with personalities is, they're shaped by childhood experiences, trauma, culture, routines. Which means that evolution is expected as you grow, learn more, feel more, heal from pain or get hurt and earn fresh wounds. Give yourself space and freedom to grow and change.

At its core, personality encompasses:

• Temperament – your natural emotional baseline

• Behavioural patterns – how you typically respond to situations

• Values and beliefs – what matter most to you

• Cognitive style – how you process information and solve problems

• Emotional expression – how you show and regulate feelings

• Social preferences – how you connect with others

And guess what? Every one of these can shift, stretch, and evolve.

If you're looking to get a hang on the personality thing, here's a few exercises you can try:

Start small, journalling for 3 minutes a day is a wonderful place to start. It doesn't have to be perfect or eloquent or on a fancy journal/ diary. You can just briefly describe your day. What made you happy and why, what infuriated you, what disappointed you...

When you're having an emotionally stimulating experience, ask yourself, "what am I feeling and why?" Before you react, take a step back and analyse your mood vs your reaction vs what triggered everything. Not just during bad or painful situations but also when you're feeling happy or elated.

Basically, take time to reflect, without noise from outside, without caring what people think.

Start with these two activities and build from there.

You'll begin to realize after some time that you understand yourself so much better and can confidently say what you like or don't without wondering whether it's true or why it doesn't align with the aptitude test you took.

So, here’s what I’ve learned: self-discovery isn’t a one-time event. It’s not a quiz result, a zodiac sign, or a tidy acronym. It’s a lifelong unfolding.

Who you are today might not be who you’ll be next year—and that’s not a crisis, it’s a gift.

Personality traits aren’t cages. They’re clues. They help us understand our tendencies, but they don’t define our destiny. You’re allowed to grow beyond them, contradict them, or even rewrite them entirely.

So don’t stop discovering yourself. Don’t stop asking questions. Don’t stop challenging the boxes you’ve been placed in—or the ones you’ve placed yourself in.

If you need to work on it with someone, you can always reach out. I'll be here, discovering myself too.

Love,

Me <3

P.S.: It gets better, and love, the real kind, always wins.