Your Role: See the struggle, start the conversation

alicemnn
Oct 7
4 min read

Dear reader,

Sometimes we overlook the weight of expectations and the pain of not meeting them. More often than not, we're sitting next to someone who's going through so much pain, anger and hurt but we're so engrossed in our own world that we fail to realize and recognize their struggle. Other times, we get so busy that a barrier automatically forms between us and that person who needs to be heard and encouraged.

In a university town, there was a student named Alex (not any particular person), who seemed to have it all together. Alex aced exams, was the captain of an intramural team, and maintained a flawless, vibrant presence on social media. But behind the screen, Alex was drowning. The pressure to succeed and to constantly perform for an invisible audience was immense.

When Alex failed a major class, the first instinct wasn't to talk to a professor or a friend, but to hide. The shame was suffocating. The counselling centre had a two-month waitlist, and the only "community" available seemed to be the silent scroll of social media, showcasing everyone else's perfect life. When Alex died by suicide, the campus community was left stunned. How could someone with so many friends and so much success feel so alone?

The answer is that connection had become superficial, and the vital community net had unravelled. Suicide is often framed as an individual tragedy, but every life lost exposes a weakness in our Community Ecosystem.

Think of your community—your campus, your neighbourhood, your online groups—as an ecosystem, a delicate balance of resources and culture. For life to thrive, the soil must be rich, the air must be clean, and the support structures—like water and sunlight—must be accessible to all.

Today's high suicide rates for young people show that in too many places, the ecosystem is failing. When the air is thick with stigma, the soil is poor due to financial stress, and the access to "water" (care) is blocked, even the strongest among us can wither.

Here is how our collective ecosystem contributes to risk:

The Ecosystem is Failing (Risk Factors)	The Ecosystem is Thriving (Protective Factors)
Toxic Air (Stigma): Conversations about failure and mental health are whispered or forbidden, teaching people to suffer in silence rather than reach for a lifeline.	Clean Air (Openness): Mental health is discussed openly, and asking for help is normalized as a sign of self-care and strength.
Blocked Water Source (Lack of Access): There are too few accessible, affordable counsellors, and systems like school or university counselling have crushing wait times. Some schools don't even have counselling systems.	Accessible Water (Integrated Care): Mental health support is readily available in schools, workplaces, and primary care settings.
Poor Soil (High Pressure & Inequality): Academic, social, and financial pressures create chronic stress and hopelessness, especially for marginalized students.	Rich Soil (Supportive Systems): Institutions promote well-being over excessive perfectionism and provide equitable opportunities for all students.
Thin Roots (Isolation): Superficial social media connections replace genuine, in-person support, leaving young people feeling abandoned during a crisis.	Strong Roots (Connection): Robust social activities and mentorship programs ensure everyone feels seen, valued, and tethered to the community.

Repairing our Community Ecosystem requires active, intentional cultivation from every resident, especially within schools, universities, and youth groups. This is not the government’s job alone; it is our shared work. As a matter of fact, you can do so much more in your space than the government can in terms of creating a safe space.

1. Be the Water Carrier: Promote Lifelines

Everyone must know where the water is and how to deliver it.

Normalize Crisis Help: Make the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline as well-known as 911. Put it on student IDs, campus websites, and residence hall flyers.
Get Training: Become a "gatekeeper" by learning how to recognize the signs of crisis and confidently refer someone to professional help. Many organizations offer QPR (Question, Persuade, Refer) training, which teaches you to ask the difficult questions.
Follow Up: After someone has been through a crisis, ensure the connection remains. A follow-up call, text, or visit is a powerful protective factor against future risk.

2. Clear the Air: Uproot Stigma

We must change the language and culture surrounding mental health and suicide.

Choose Compassionate Language: When discussing loss, use the phrase "died by suicide." This simple change acknowledges the death as a result of illness, not a crime or moral failing.
Amplify Stories of Healing: Encourage and share safe, responsible stories of recovery and resilience, particularly those related to academic and social stress. Focus on the message that help works and that hope is available.
Create Safe Spaces: Challenge the culture of perfectionism. Encourage mentors, teachers, and peers to talk honestly about failure as a learning experience, not a source of shame.

3. Fortify the Soil: Systemic Advocacy

Change the systemic conditions that create stress and hopelessness.

Reduce Wait Times: Advocate for increased funding and staffing for school and university mental health services to ensure immediate access to care.
Focus on Well-being: Support institutional policies that integrate mental wellness into the curriculum and promote a healthy work-life balance over relentless competition.
Increase Safety: If you or a loved one owns a firearm or prescription medications, ensure they are stored safely and locked away from individuals who are in distress. Reducing easy access to lethal means during a moment of crisis can save a life.

The truth is, many of us just sit by and watch as Alex's life unfolds and only get fired up and momentarily hot and bothered after the Alex in our midst commits suicide.

The greatest tragedy is not that people suffer, it's that they suffer alone.

The loss of a single young life by suicide sends a tremor through the entire ecosystem. But just as one person can suffer, one person can also offer hope. By committing to tending our collective garden, we can build communities where every young person's life is rooted in support, connection, and the unwavering belief that help is always available.