Effortless love is a Myth!!!

Dear reader,

We are constantly sold a story about love—that the hardest part is finding The One.

Once you lock eyes across a crowded room, the universe takes over, and the rest is just bliss. Movies end right after the climactic kiss, leaving us with the powerful, yet damaging, fantasy that real love should be easy, automatic, and always exciting.

Growing up I particularly enjoyed watching the “A Cinderella story” movies and it grew on me that when I find “The one” the only challenge I’ll have to conquer was an evil step mother(which I thankfully didn’t have)

. Other than that, my love and I would be set for life!

This belief that a deep connection should be effortless is arguably the single most pervasive problem destroying long-term relationships. It’s the disappointment that sets in when the honeymoon glow fades and you realize your perfect partner is, well, just a person, and your beautiful relationship is just a machine that requires daily maintenance.

When you enter a committed partnership, you are often carrying an invisible backpack of expectations—how often you should go on dates, how finances should be managed, how emotional support should be delivered, and who should take out the trash.

These expectations aren't malicious; they are typically based on:

1. Childhood Observation: How your parents or guardians behaved.

2. Cultural Narratives: What movies and books told you love looks like.

3. The Honeymoon Phase: The unsustainable standard of attentiveness and novelty set during the initial months.

When your partner inevitably fails to meet one of these unstated, often contradictory expectations, you feel hurt, confused, and disappointed. The thought process is: "If they really loved me, they would just know I needed this," or "If this were the right relationship, we wouldn't have to talk about something so basic."

This is the Disappointment Gap—the space between the effortless love you expected and the messy, negotiated love you actually have.

The Problem of Emotional Telepathy

The biggest offender in the gap is the expectation of emotional telepathy. We expect our partners to be fluent in our internal language, understand our non-verbal cues, and anticipate our needs before we even voice them.

When a partner asks, "What’s wrong?" after a long period of internal brooding, the standard response—"Nothing, I’m fine"—is usually a test. The person is secretly hoping the partner will push past the deflection, interpret the subtext, and identify the exact source of distress. When the partner accepts the "I'm fine" at face value, the frustrated person feels doubly invalidated.

This reliance on non-verbal communication and emotional testing builds resentment. Resentment is the emotional debt collected when a need is felt but not expressed, and therefore, not met. You get angry at your partner for failing a test they never knew they were taking.

The bitter truth is, they won’t know until you tell them!

Moving past the myth of effortless love requires a powerful mental shift from finding the right person to building the right relationship. Love is not a destination; it’s an entire journey that possible has no particular destination.

The best part is, it only takes good communication to avoid building resentment where love once was.

Sit down and make your expectations clear. Don't assume your partner shares your definition of "clean" or "fun."

Use low-stakes, non-critical moments to discuss high-stakes topics. Like when you’re grilling stake(pun intended) on a lovely summer

Talk about everything. Especially the hard stuff: Who manages the bills? Who plans the dates? Who initiates intimacy?

When a need isn't met, frame it as a shared problem to solve, not a moral failing on their part.

"I’m finding it hard to relax because the kitchen always feels overwhelming. What is one small step we could take together to make this area feel managed?” (Hire a chef! - kidding)

The quality of a relationship isn't measured by the absence of conflict, but by the speed and grace of its repair. You will inevitably hurt your partner, and they will hurt you. Accepting that friction is normal and having the tools to apologize, forgive, and reconnect is the true measure of partnership.

Let go of the ideal of "The One." Instead, commit to the active choice of being with this imperfect person, today, and dedicating yourself to the deliberate, imperfect, and immensely rewarding work of co-creating a relationship that works for both of you. Effortless love is a myth; deliberate love is real.

All good things take time and effort.

Love,

Me <3

P.S.: It gets better, and love, the real kind, always wins.